How to Communicate When You Break Up a Couple
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Decisions on whether or not a relationship should end can often be complicated. Sometimes it’s best to initiate the discussion early rather than wait and have one when things get too harsh.
1. Don’t Bring Up Past Conversations or Grievances
Rehashing old arguments or grievances when breaking up is one of the biggest mistakes couples can make when parting ways. Doing this risks creating an emotional distance between you and your partner while detracting from its intended goal: ending the relationship.
Reopening old wounds prevents them from healing completely and creates new scar tissue formation, delaying complete healing and making more scars than are needed for full closure.
Additionally, this adds another emotional burden that only worsens the conflict.
One way to prevent this from occurring is to postpone discussing sensitive subjects until later; this will give both of you time to process any feelings before starting any discussions about them.
Dissolving a relationship successfully involves taking an uneasy first step: you and your partner need to discuss and work through any potential conflicts to reach an agreeable resolution.
2. Have an Open Conversation About Your Priorities and Deal-Breakers
As part of any breakup process, open dialogue about priorities and deal-breakers is vital to avoid future heartache and focus on building long-term relationships.
As early on in your relationship as possible, it is wise to discuss your feelings regarding significant life milestones, such as having children or moving cities, along with any personal values and lifestyle preferences decisions made. Addressing such sensitive topics early can lead to long-term conflict resolution.
Talk about how each of you feels comfortable spending your money. If one partner has big goals to pay off debt or purchase a house, you should discuss whether cutting certain areas of their budget might help meet them.
You can address these matters face to face; when doing so, use body language that indicates you are listening and paying attention.
3. Once You’ve Made the Decision to Break Up
It is best to do it honestly and openly when it’s time to part ways with someone. Whether your partner isn’t keeping their end of the bargain or you have different values and feelings, communicating what is happening between you is vitally important.
As part of your planning for a breakup, it is also essential to consider all possible effects it could have. For example, if you share an apartment or house, arrangements must be made regarding who stays where and when.
Before ending a relationship, you may need to carefully consider how this will impact your children’s or pets’ lives. Planning can help ease the transition after a breakup has taken place.
4. Accept That It’s Going to Be Uncomfortable
Breaking up can be an emotionally complex and trying process, and both partners must accept that it may be uncomfortable. Unfortunately, though, no relationship will remain healthy without going through some breakup, and it may take time and space to process all the emotions involved with this transition.
At its core, getting the most out of a breakup requires being open to learning and vulnerable enough to allow yourself to be vulnerable. Vulnerability helps us develop emotional resilience skills we’ll need throughout life.
Prepare for your conversation carefully by considering what they might say or do during their reaction to your news to have more sensitive dialogues. Being prepared can also increase the success rate for sharing it.